my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
