Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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