She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
