We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
