can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
