Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
