You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
