I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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