When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
