he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
