Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
