Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
