When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
