So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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