; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
