my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can't just leave with hair like that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
