I think my vagina is haunted
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
