Dual....:-)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
