i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
