so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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