So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
