Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
