I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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