Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask