You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."