Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"