i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!