Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?