I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
