My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
