I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
