If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
