shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
