"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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