im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
