the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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