well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
