its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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