I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
