How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
