Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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