and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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