i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
