youre lurking in front of me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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