Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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