He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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