Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
