i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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