If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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