I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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