I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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