You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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