im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
