its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize