ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
