TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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