you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
