she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
