I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
