Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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