Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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