so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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