Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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