New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize