the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
