Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
