after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
