Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
