Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Randomize
