the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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