i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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