apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
