Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
