don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
