she was so not down for the gang bang
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
please come you make the beer taste better
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
