Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
