I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
