Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
